Some of the people some of the time
2005-01-22, 7:42 p.m.
I flew to Columbus, OH earlier this week to hob-nob and schmooze with our Corporate staff. Great, I left 80 degree sunny weather to freeze my lily white (haven�t been to a tanning bed in a while) ass off in 10 degree weather. Neat. So right from the get go I was less than thrilled for the adventure.
Last week-end I had dinner with my boss and his wife. Yes the 20 year old �omigod you are so hot for an older woman� son was there too. He behaved, and the dinner was fantastic. Where was I going with this? Oh, his wife suggested that when I fly out, I should park in the economy lot at the airport. Against my better judgment I took her advice and that�s were I parked.
I was running late as usual, and thought well at least I�m parking at the airport and that should help speed along the process. I pull up, grab my ticket for parking and read the huge sign to the left of me. Shuttle runs every 7 minutes. There is a timer to tell you when the next one
is expected. It showed 5 minutes. Great I can find a parking spot in 5 minutes and get picked up. I found the parking spot in less than a minute, and then realized I had to schlep my bag to the passenger kiosk for pick up. Mind you I�m wearing 4� heels because they make my ass look good. Yes, I know that has nothing to do with parking but everything to do with making me look great while schlepping across the parking lot. Do you know where you park at the mall at Christmas in relationship to the entrance doors? That�s where I was in relationship to the people kiosk.
Very excited I wore my heels, even if my toes were screaming in protest at this point since there was a very hot guy at the kiosk. He has a dog, and it�s a yellow lab from the looks of his luggage. He is a good man I think to myself. I rearrange some of my carry on crap to the checked bag and coyly check out his ass. It�s a nice ass. He is about my age, has all his hair, good body and tall. Great, I don�t care if the shuttle arrives in the next 5 minutes I think to myself. Oh but wait, he is wearing a wedding ring. Damn the karma it�s one directional and needs to occur in the airport or on the plane, the parking lot isn�t close enough.
I watch the shuttle busses move through the parking lot all around us. They are stopping at the kiosks around me but not at the one I�m at. Every 7 minutes my ass. They pick up some of the people, at some of the kiosks some of the time. 7 minutes has nothing to do with anything. I think the bus drivers like to watch all of us sitting at the kiosks do the �wave�. They drive by we stand up, we sit down when the don�t stop. Pretty clever low budget amusement isn�t it?
Finally a shuttle stopped. It is packed with people. I try to maneuver myself on to the bus teetering dangerously back and forth in my heels. Where the hell is that driver that is supposed to lift my bag for me? And why isn�t this guy in front of me, blocking the aisle with his crap moving out of the way? He (guy blocking the way) say�s �there are seats in the back.� Great, I�m trying to manhandle my bags, dodge stuff on the floor and not trip over every ones feet, and you can�t offer to move to the back for me? What a schmuck! I gave him my best rot in hell look and precariously made my way to the back. I sat my narrow ass right dead center in the back row. I told myself, no way are you moving over for anyone you crawled to get back here now stay put. My pep talk to myself didn�t do any good. Two more people got on the bus and climbed over the same trail as I did to make it to the back. I moved over to the side and allowed them to sit down. I perch my feet on top of my bag and sat with my knees in my chest to the terminals.
My stop happens to be first, thank god. The two people I gave my center seat up for are also getting off. Do you think one of them offered to assist me from my seated knees in chest position? Or even suggest, �hey let me help you�. NO, not either one of them, and to top it off rude guy that was blocking my way onto the bus to begin with nearly ran me over when I got on the curb.
My words of wisdom. First off site parking is cheaper, they pick you up at your car not some people kiosk, and they carry your bags. Secondly no matter what my mother taught me, I�m not giving up my seat for anyone, unless they are old and feeble and can beat me with their cane. And finally, rude guy, you shouldn�t have screwed with a feisty little Italian girl. For you, I impose a good Italian curse of male pattern baldness. Over the next 6 months you will shed more than my dog!
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